Reflection of Another

2009

Sun, 27 Dec 2009 14:33:24 GMT

A meme. Nicked. As always.

1. What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?
Swore out loud. Stayed at home alone for more than a couple of hours (two days and I was sick the whole time...), told my brother that I love him and am proud of him, worked a job (sort of...), managed to make some new friends without having someone introducing us in real life.

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Not really. I have had the same ones since I was about 10 - be kinder to my parents, be more patient with Mum, tell people I appreciate them more, stop being socially awkward and shy, get a proper job, work harder academically, keep room clean for more than a day, figure out how you really feel about God and church and stuff.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yeah. Two of my cousins. I'm yet to see the babies but I can't wait.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Yes. My dear grandfather and a lifelong friend of the family from church, Tim. Both ridiculously sudden.

5. What countries did you visit?
Australia. I've never been out of my home country...

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
More friends. Courage to be honest. Money. A mother who acts like she ought to. More patience and less jealousy.

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory and why?
4th September - I got a letter from Sarah, Liz and Pippa (and Dannichu). It was the first time I'd received a letter from a friend ever and I almost cried. It was utterly lovely and I read it far too often. It meant a lot to me and made me so glad that I'd gotten over my shyness enough to talk to people online at least.

4th November - I have a recording fom this date that means a lot to me. It was a first. And I can't say more. But thanks to those who made it happen. I hope you know how much being able to listen to it means to me.

20th November - my grandfather's funeral. The first funeral and burial I've gone to besides one when I was really little. Hard but worse as just over a week later I was back in the same place.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I don't remember any particular achievements, to be honest.

9. What was your biggest failure?
I disappointed people and made them angry. I went shitter than ever academically and have been even more lazy. I have lost more real life friends and I don't know how to get them back or make new ones. I haven't mastered the art of contentment.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I was sick for a week in April and didn't eat the entire week. Didn't lose even an ounce which pissed me off. :) Otherwise, no.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Bought? Hmm. The only things I have bought are DVDs, old articles and books. Any and all of those are HIGHLY valued and enjoyed often. I don't buy things that I won't get any use out of or enjoy. Hence, everything I have bought is the best.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My brother's. I am so, so, so proud of him. He has made the best friendships and he's not afraid to open up to them and listen to them as well. They trust and depend on him and he on them. It's wonderful. He's kind and generous and even though I'm almost certain he's in physical pain a lot of the time (undiagnosed as of yet) and he suffers depression sometime, he's always willing to do anything for his friends. Also, my Dad gets kudos for being the teacher at school that everyone loves and respects and also for being such a pillar of strength when his dad was dying. He was wonderful and I wish I'd been able to tell him how proud I was. He told me every night for weeks he'd be at his desk crying and yet he made the most wondeful, moving eulogy. It was the second time I'd cried in public. Then just over a week later he had to make another eulogy. Again, he was very touching and open and unafraid. I'm so proud of both of them.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
My mother's, unfortunately. I'm just fed up of it all.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Ha. My tiny amount of money has gone on presents for people, a few DVDs, some articles and some secondhand books.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
I get really, really, really excited everytime a download finishes, everytime I get to talk to one of you, everytime I read an interview with someone I like, every time I received something in the post and that's it.

16. What songs will always remind you of 2009?
None. I don't really identify many songs with years because I listen to a fairly wide range of stuff and almost none of it is new.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you...
i) happier or sadder?
Hmm. Bit of both - for different reasons. Right now - happier.

ii) thinner or fatter?
About the same. Thankfully, I managed to avoid putting on more weight.

iii) richer or poorer?
The same. I have no money.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Written nice things to people, been kinder to those around me.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Wasted time instead of doing uni work, whingeing.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
I spent it at my house, with some family over (the big family bash was the day before) wishing I had a new DVD to watch.

21. How will you be spending New Year's Eve?
Probably be at home on the computer or waiting for Stephen to get off and so reading or watching a DVD while I wait.

22. Did you fall in love in 2009?
Nope.

23. How many one night stands?
Nope.

24. What were your favorite TV programs?
Too many to list so I won't bother.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate last year?
I don't and never have hated anyone. Despised the character of them and disliked them thoroughly, yes.

26. What was the best book you read?
I really don't know. I am hopeless at 'best this' and 'best that' type questions because my mind continously changes.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Hmm. Dunno. I was very pleased to finally realise who The Beatles actually were and have gotten slightly addicted to listening to everything they did.

28. What did you want and get?
I got new friends. And some books/DVDs.

29. What did you want and not get?
Money. A trip to the UK. More real life friends. A more united family. Contentment.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
I haven't been to the cinema for 2 years. I don't get to watch many films. Don't remember watching any films I'd never seen. Oh, actually. The 39 Steps. And Hot Fuzz. Both were marvellous.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Nothing. I got a few presents. And went to the library to use their internet. I was 19.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
If I'd gotten to go to London.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
My what??? I don't think I have one of those. I wore what I wore last year, not being able to get any new clothes this year. As always they were plain, untrendy and not tight-fitting.

34. What kept you sane?
You all. And comedy.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Not saying. :) Actually, it's just that my opinion changes on that ALL the time depending what I'm watching, reading or looking at a particular moment.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
I only really got interested in politics the last few months of this year but found the whole BNP/Griffin/Question Time thing fascinating.

37. Who did you miss?
I missed being close to people in real life. I wish I had a proper friend or two.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Oh. I couldn't possible put any of them above another. All of you are lovely and I'm just counting 'meeting' as it has to be because I haven't met anyone new in my real life. The internet wins.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009:
Contentment with your life isn't easy. But being pleased for others is a wholly satisfying feeling.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
Dunno.

41. What was your favorite moment of the year?
Getting my letters and gifts and so on from you guys. And getting a hug from someone I know. It was odd but nice to have someone hug me.

42. What was your least favorite moment of the year?
When I went to see Grandpop at the hospital. And when I watched his coffin being lowered. And all those days where life was just miserable.

43. Where were you when 2009 began?
At home.

44. Who were you with?
Myself. I was in my room.

45. Where will you be when 2009 ends?
Probably at home.

46. Who will you be with when 2009 ends?
Probably myself though the rest of the family might be in the house as well.

47. What was your favorite month of 2009?
August.

48. Did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2009?
None. Never have had any.

49. Did you do a lot of drugs in 2009?
Nope. Never tried any.

50. How many people did you sleep with in 2009?
None. Never done that either.

51. Did you do anything you were ashamed of this year?
Yes. Lied to my parents far too many times. And wasn't sympathetic enough to Mum when our friend died - I was in shock. Also, disappointing people.

52. What was the worst lie someone told you in 2009?
I don't think it's true but having my sister repeatedly telling me she hates me and having Mum saying over and over again throughout the year that I'm the worst, least obedient, laziest child she knows hurt an awful lot. Also, when I found out that while my friend had said she didn't do anything one night it tuend out her and all the rest of my old school friends had gone our for a meal together. :(

53. Did you treat someone badly in 2009?
Loads of people. I was selfish, arrogant, egotistical, cold, unsympathetic, lazy, a whinger, a liar and loads of other things which hurt people.

54. Did someone treat you badly in 2009?
I couldn't say.

55. How many concerts did you see in 2009?
None. I've never been to a concert or live performance/gig of any kind.

56. Did you have a favorite concert in 2009?
See above.

57. How much money did you spend in 2009?
Too much.

58. If you could go back in time to any moment of 2009 and change what?
I don't know. I think I would have summoned up the bravery to have gone straight over and sat by Grandpop's side and held his hand. instead of staying at the side of the room.

59. What was your most embarrassing moment of 2009?
I embarrass myself far too often. Everytime I say something almost.

60. What are your plans for 2010?
Get a job. Improve my uni grades. Get some money. Be kinder to people. Send more letters. Be a better person. Go to London. I doubt any of these things will happen but one can always hope. It's the stuff I live on, dreams.

Love you all.
xoxo

And so this is Christmas...

Thu, 24 Dec 2009 15:48:46 GMT

So...

It's after 2am here on Christmas Day and I wanted to wish you ALL a very merry Christmas and a fantastically great New Year.

This year has been an odd one. I've become totally addicted and obsessed with several more things and enjoyed this more than I can say. To be honest, this year would've been immensely craptastic if it hadn't been for me being able to watch/listen to various TV and radio shows. More than that though, this year has taught me the difference other people can make. I seem to have drifted farther and farther away from those I know in real life, not having any common interests to keep us together in the way we once were. Instead, I have found my way onto the internet, a place where I can talk to people about things I love and am passionate about. The immense joy of not having someone tell me to shut up because I'm talking about Just A Minute or HIGNFY for example is so indescribably wonderful.

I love being able to be myself and not having others roll their eyes at me but instead understand. It's a new experience and one I treasure. I cannot overstate how important you have all been this year to me. The first thing I do every morning and the last thing I do every night is check LJ and my e-mails - to see if anyone has replied to anything I've posted and see if they've written something themselves. The pure joy I get when something is in my inbox (not including Google Alerts...) is enough to get me through a week of shit. More than that, I LOVE that I can read about what you guys are doing in your lives. No one here seems to ever tell me anything and my parents seem to find things out about my friends before I do. You wonderful people, however, write things down and I can enjoy them and occasionally live vicariously through your experiences. Things like little mentions of the Store and how it went bring such a smile to my face and give me sweet dreams each and every night. I used to have nightmares fairly often; every dream is now of the UK, the Store, comedy and you all. I know it sounds odd and slightly off but it all really means such a lot to me. It gets me through the day.

A few special mentions (and please, don't be offended if you're not mentioned - I DO appreciate you massively as well, as I hope you know...) for certain particular things.

Sarah - THANK YOU. I was looking at my MSN history and it appears I've talked to you most. Apologies for all my ungraceful entrances into your flat. :D You have no idea how much I appreciate your willingness to put up with my ramblings and incoherent excitement on there. You're always so lovely and gracious and finding out how the Store was from you is ALWAYS a joy and a highlight of my week. Oh, and thanks or commentating on Comic Act as you watched it and always being so lovely and commenting on posts I make. :D

Liz - I don't know how you manage it but you always make me happy. I love seeing your posts and pictures and excitement. Your taste in knickers is unsurpassed as well. :D Just know that you'e gorgrous, funny and utterly lovely and I want terribly badly to be able to give you a hug. Thank you especially for chatting to me forever once on MSN (I mentioned that I stayed up till 5.30am to Dad and he just rolled his eyes) and also for planning an itinery for me once I get to your neck of the woods.

Fiona - I think you're probably the first person I really got to know on LJ. Thank you for being so lovely in making that first post to my journal. I loved getting to have those conversations with you and discovering that another person actually enjoyed the same things I did. :D

Cat - always a joy. Thank you so very much for all those messages and conversations and FUDGE (!) :D Getting to know you has been an utter joy and you and your family are utterly splendid. Thanks for talking to me so much about everything and anything and putting up with my ramblings and nonsense about all sorts of things from family to fandom to society. It's been wonderful.

Bubbles - you're the first person I remember commenting on something I'd posted in a community (though in reality, you may not actually have been...) I was ever so nervous when I first started using LJ to post myself and in those first days, getting a comment from you was a relief and a joy. I looked up to you greatly and I was so so so pleased to find someone understood and appreciated what I had posted. Such a warm, lovely feeling. So, thank you.

Becky - I still am not over how utterly wonderful your gifts and letter were. I treasure them. You're so very lovely and thanks for comments on LJ stuff and Twitter, especially. :) Thanks for putting up with all my whingeing on there!

Pippa - your enthusiasm for Store stuff especially is so great. I'm madly jealous of all the times you get to go but so thankful that you take the time to tell me about it and the Players. The letter that you, Sarah, Liz and Dannichu wrote to me is something I've reread countless time and I honestly nearly cried as I read it. Your pictures were splendid too. Thanks.

And to all the rest of you - I LOVE YOU AND APPRECIATE YOU and dealy hope that this Christmas is utterly wonderful as you so deserve it. You are always so lovely and kind to me and so patient with my constant posting and whingeing about being stuck over here. I want so badly to meet so many of you and when I do (and I will) I will have to give you all massive hugs, I'm sorry. Just thank you. For everything. Because in my life at the moment, you are practically everything. Keep being wonderful. Merry Christmas and a happy new year.

Love from Nicole.
xoxo

Meme - NICKED

Tue, 01 Dec 2009 02:36:18 GMT

"You know how sometimes people on your friends list post about stuff going on in their life, and all of a sudden you think "Wait a minute? Since when were they working THERE? Since when were they dating HIM/HER? Since when???" And then you wonder how you could have missed all that seemingly pretty standard information, but somehow you feel too ashamed to ask for clarification because it seems like info you should already know? It happens to all of us sometimes.  

Please copy the topics below, erase my answers and put yours in their place, and then post it in your journal! Please elaborate on the questions that would benefit from elaboration. One-Word-Answers seldom help anyone out.

First name: Nicole. I think Mum wanted something slightly less ordinary but Dad said a resounding no to that. My middle name must have been stuck in to overcompensate for that - Elizabeth... Yeah, exactly. Umm, nickname wise - nothing really. When I was in Year 10 and actually intelligent a friend used to call me Square. I called her Docedahedron. :) Occasionally, my church friends call my Nikki B but basically, the only reason they do so is because they know it annoys the hell out of me.

Age: 19. Will be 20, next February, amazingly.

Location: I live in a house on a double block in the suburb of Dapto, in the city of Wollongong, in the state of New South Wales, in the country of Australia ON THE WRONG BLOODY SIDE OF THE WORLD!!! Ahem. So, it's about a hour or two south of Sydney and on the coast (lots of beaches nearby) and arond a lake (Illawarra). Rather pleasant but annoyingly far away from other places.

Occupation: Student. I have just finished my second year at the University of Wollongong doing a Bachelor of Arts, majoring in English Literature. After that 3 years is over, I hope to be able to do a diploma of education. I'm too chicken to go and find myself a job...

Partner:Ha. Just ha. No. Not even close. I've never had a boyfriend, have never had anyone like me in that manner and don't particularly like anyway in that way right now. Most of the guys I know are pillocks anyway.

Kids: I think I'd like a few, one day. I do adore kids but yeah, I haven't the faintest idea whether it'll ever happen. If not, fine but if so, also fine.

Brothers/Sisters: A younger brother, Stephen, who's just turned 17 and a younger sister, 10, called Katherine. I get along with both of them (because I'm a total pushover and hate arguing) but Stephen moreso because we're a LOT more similiar in terms of personality. Katherine is basically my polar opposite except appearance wise (even I find it hard to tell some our photos apart from when we were toddlers). The other person I sometimes mention is practically a brother. Murray (20) is my cousin and lives with us. He's absolutely lovely.

Pets: I have a border-collie called Max. We had a beautiful border-collie (Bonnie) when I was younger but the poor thing died quite young (I hate the bastards who baited her) and Max was her replacement. He's 11 now and isn't quite as bouncy as he used to be but is still delightful. My brother has a turtle. :D

List the 3 biggest things going on in your life:

1) My stupid obsession with London, with comedy and with anything related to either of these. These take up my every spare thought and every night I dream about it. Hearing about the Store is the highlight of my weeks and knowing that others can enjoy it on at least a fairly regular basis makes me both fume with jealousy and implode with happiness. I desire nothing more than to be able to get over there, see you all, give you massive hugs and get to experience these things for myself.
2) Same as above.
3) I should say university or family or something but no, same as above again.

RIP

Thu, 12 Nov 2009 23:07:49 GMT

Just a personal post relating to my grandfather...

Early this morning my grandfather passed away. He'd only been ill for about 2 months - before that, almost in perfect health. He was a really good guy, had been happily married for well over 50 years and had 5 kids who he adored plus us 15 grandchildren who adored him. He will be missed.

THOMAS AUSTIN BARKER - may he rest in peace.

The last couple of months my father has had this on his study wall, right in front of him. He wrote it himself (even though, as he says, he's 'a science and maths man through and through and doesn't get English as a subject') and the sentiments expressed gave him comfort which I'm thankful for. This is what it says:

As I sit here I commit my Dad into the hands of a God
who is all powerful and all wise.
I remember also that while I can only be in one place at a time
my God is everywhere all the time.

I hand over my Dad to a God who never needs to sleep
and watches over Dad no matter where he is.
Most importantly though,
I remember that my God loves my Dad even more than I do,
and that He does only good for those he loves.

I remember that my Dad has trusted God for years,
in good times and tough,
and I know that our God can always be trusted.

Please help me to trust you.

I only have a few pictures on my computer of him. They will suffice for this small post.

My grandparents earlier this year for their wedding anniversary party.

Grandpop and me in 1991. Me in a not so flattering hat...

Grandpop in the late 1950s. The rest of the photo just had some other relatives in it (including his first child who'd been born weeks earlier). Not the most flattering shot of him ever but in it, he's still quite young.

Oh, what the hell...

Thu, 30 Jul 2009 06:56:16 GMT

Well, I've never really bothered with these meme things before but I'm kind of trying avoid doing my uni work (yes, it's only the first week and bad habits are firmly in place...). Anyway, I was tagged so I think (emphasise on the think) I'm meant to do this. All the boring nonsense of the iTunes meme under the cut, people.

iTunes Meme.
How many songs in total: 4039 (but all my radio shows are included as I can't be arsed to remove them for the purposes of this...)

Most recently played: All Along The Watchtower - Bob Dylan
Most played: Wild Mountainside - Eddi Reader
Most recently added: Classical Beatles - Various artists

Sort by song title
First Song: 'A' Bomb In Wardour Street - The Jam
Last Song: 9 Crimes - Damien Rice

Sort by time.
Shortest Song: When Somebody Loves You (ABoF&L) - Hugh Laurie (0.15)
Longest Song: #41 - Dave Matthews Band (15.21)

Sort by album
First album: Aerial - Kate Bush
Last album: 1967-1970 (Disc 2) - The Beatles

First song that comes up on Shuffle: Fire - Daniel Lanois

Search the following and state how many songs come up:
Death - 5
Life - 113
Love - 188
Hate - 3
You - 480
Sex - 5

To: quaint_idea

Sat, 21 Mar 2009 01:31:48 GMT

Here we go then. I figured this would be easier than narrowing the reply column even more so...

No problem about the checking - I found it easier to get an e-mail update when someone replies to an entry or a comment from me. Means I'm less likely to forget to reply!

Spicks & Specks/Buzzcocks: Yeah - I saw it too! It's pretty cool. He did a big standup thing about it when he was hosting some awards thing here a year or two ago. You certainly didn't make it up - he very hilariously totally stuffed Simon's research up. If I recall correctly then it was some fact about the biggest pretzel and Stephen knew of a bigger one that had been in a film. Poor Simon was there looking absolutely shattered that his facts were wrong. I love them. And yep, that's how you spell *says the absolute authority on the spelling of foodstuffs* I do think it is though.

Footlights: He's super. That song he does is odd- quite haunting. He looks so young and childlike back then. I need to watch some Whose Line - it's been a while and i do adore it. I was listening only a few days ago to Josie doing an interview with Clive Anderson about something and they were so funny together. I love it when good friends just seem like they're having a chat for an interview and they tease each other. Fine stuff. No need to be more eloquent - the only thing you could possibly have done to convey more than that was putting in more than 3 e's. I totally agree though. Hugh has a long tongue in that comedy one though, by god! :D They're both just awfully clever. "Cock high!"

School: Barking laughs? I hope they sounds genuine at least! Little yappy dog laugh or deep growly rottweiler type laugh? I think my reaction would depend on which it was. We have a doggy! I only figured out the other day he's 12 now - I couldn't believe it. I though he was 8 or 9 maybe. He's a lovely border-collie called Max but now he's old he's turned into a lazy sod and just sits in the backyard getting sun on him all day! Do you have any pets? I understand - don't worry. I do find my friends amusing. I just hate that pretending has become necessary to keep those friendships from not being as strong. You won't become brain dead; you've got a good deal more sense and wit and intelligence than most people your age I know. So, chin up. I just wish in real life I had someone to talk to about stuff. Y'know, they are ALL so incredibly different to me but they're so similiar to each other. Makes you feel a bit of an outsider, y'know but to fit in you're stuck feeling like an arse because you're yabbering away about crap that you're not interested in. I wish I won the lottery too! However, I don't go in for those things either so... As soon as I have money though, I'm jumping on a plane. When I finish uni and get a job, I figure hopefully I'll be able to get over there, even for a holiday. I'd so love to come over. By the time I do though, you'll probably be old enough to have been the CSP for years and years! Oh well - I can dream, hey? :) At least I have relatives over there I could stay with or something. I only found out last week that my Mum used to live in England for 5 years when she was a kid! She never even told me - in Manchester, apparently. I couldn't believe it. Then I'll take a trip to Scotland and catch up with my Grandad's family. Lovely. I'm just daydreaming now...

Tim: Hee. If I won the lottery (after flying myself over to the UK) I'd fly you over here to see him. However, as I don't do the lottery... :) I might, you never know! That would be cool but chances are slim, I fear. Um, there's not really local ones but Sydney's only 1 or 2 hrs away (depending whereabouts you go in there, obviously) and most comedians from here or overseas at least do a gig there. I've never been to a show (music, comedy, theatre or otherwise) in my life though which is a damn shame.

A/M&M/ sketches - weren't they? I only two days ago finally got to see the entire Comic Relief show and the Top of the Pops things. Really enjoyed it too - wish they'd show it over here. So impressed with the amount of money raised! Rob's so cuuuuute. If I were Tom I wouldn't mind. He was very sweet about it on Twitter too, hey?

Attraction: Yeah, I agree, hey? It's pretty bad since people haven't even heard of them here so then I have to describe them. That's always fun. "Okay, so you know Hugh Laurie in House right? Yes, he's almost 50. Yes, he's balding. Also, Stephen Fry right. Well, he's 51, overweight (actually, did you see the pic of him in the wetsuit!!!!!!!!!!!!? Niiiice) and bipolar and gay and has a ridiculously bent nose. Yes, I fancy him. Oh, and Paul. Yes, he's 51 as well. Yes, he's a bit overweight. Yes, his teeth aren't very good. Oh, for goodness sake, take your little man-boys with no personality and humour and leave the older male comedians with nice eyes to me, then!" :D Paul was very nice when younger, hey? Though there was a point in the earlyish 00's (not the beard stage!) when he was slim and his hair was still boyish but not overly long and he wore really awesome glasses and imho, he was looking pretty damn good.

Summer School: Ha!!! Absolutely. You can see a bit in The Supergrass as well. Shower scene FTW! Little white towel....

Jack : You should be commended on your self-restraint. Well done. Was just watching some of his standup on YouTube (Live at the Apollo stuff and followed by a charming Julian Clary...) and loved it.

Of course you can admire my icon. It's easy when you have cute pictures to work with, hey? :)

Oh, by the way, you mentioned you had Twitter, right? I'm diving in the deep end and giving in. It's getting annoying catching up on all my celeb updates manually :) So, anyways, my name: nicole21290. Hope that helps! I'll give it a shot and I reckon I might be able to even summon up the energy to follow you too, if you don't mind awfully. There's so few people to talk to round here.

xoxo
Nicole

Meaningless Mumblings

Wed, 18 Jun 2008 03:13:10 GMT

Oh god. Look at that beautiful alliteration in the title - gee, I'm talented. Well, I basically realise no one will read this so will attempt to use it as a sort of diary. I have trouble enough with one in book form so we'll see how this goes.

See, I am slightly in love with stationary for some bizarre reason and every year puchase a new diary because they're so utterly fantastic. First of January I write in my NY resolutions (the same ones every year, naturally) and a few days later obsess in a fangirl way about something. I then gripe for a few pages. When I realise at the end of January I haven't actually written anything I reread my self-loathing words, rip them out and throw the diary away. Very useful. I've done this every year since Year 5 and I'm at Uni now so... My problem is that I really have nothing of value to write. My life is just so monotonous and boring.

Anyways, I will attempt to write something at least once a week because it's probably a good habit to get into and because I enjoy wasting time. Apparently, keeping a diary ismeant to be beneficial to your mental health, cathartic and all that. To that I utter a simple 'meh'. And to be slightly more obnoxious: 'Whatever!' I soooooo hate the phrase. Ah, good. I feel some whining coming on. In particular I would like to gripe about the word 'like'. I remember on Room 101 Stephen Fry (bless him) pointed this out and ever since I feel an angry red glow spreading across my horrid visage every time it occurs. Here's an example of the thing that so gets my goat:

"So, he was like 'sure thing' and I was like 'well, it doesn't really mean that much' and Hetty Arse was like 'I dunno but it's, like, awesome."

SHUT UP!!! It's the small things, hey? That, combined with my distaste for MSN speak (LOL etc) doesn't exactly endear me to my friends (all 1 of them). Last weekend I went on a Youth Group camp (yeah, I go to church) and one mate insisted on saying 'lol' all the time and my the end of the thing I was ready to strangle her. I just don't get it; if you find something hilariously funny and want to 'laugh out loud' then just laugh, don't say 'lol'. Seriously... Yes, I may become prone to ranting. Thing is, I've got no one to whinge to in RL so all the turgid vomit-inducing groans and complains will be shoved here, in the deep recesses of the internet. Not one of my friends or people I know use LJ or anything of the kind so it's pretty safe. Neither have they got a passion for reading, literature, mythology and the etymology so we don't exactly have much in common. It's kind of weird because not one of my friends really has much in common with me. Almost all them are extraverted, hate reading, love crappy generic American TV and chick-flicks and are enjoy games, dancing, modern music. I, however, am quite quiet and shy. I don't like crowds and being around people for an extended period of time (a few hours!) absolutely drains me. I get so exhausted. I got paid out last weekend basically because in the afternoon I went to my cabin and read for an hour or two because I needed a break from people. When they wereplaying those crappy kind of party games that night I read again and got told off for being a party-pooper. Sorry, I'm just not interested. The problem crops up all the time. I really don't mind that people enjoy things like that; just don't expect me to.

At the end of year Formal for school last year it was absolute agony. Firstly, we had to dress up in nice clothes. Now, here is the issue. I hate getting 'dolled up'. I detest then entire thing. I hate wasting money on clothes I will never wear again, I hate wearing a dress that makes me feel uncomfortable, I hate being the ugliest person I know, I hate exposing my flabby waist and arms to the world, I hate being expected to enjoy the entire process of being made-up, I hate the attention, I hate fancy food at a restaurant, I hate the pressure to act like someone you're not, I hate people even joking about liking guys, I hate that you're expected to bring a special someone with you, I hate that everyone wants you to dance at the afterparty when I would rather be at home watching J&W, I hate that people think you need alcohol to have fun, I hate that people pay attention to you, I hate that your classmates make a stupid speech out and when you'rementioned it's to tell everyone that you're a nerd and carry massive tomes around at school, I hate being so bored when I should be having fun, I hate that no one understands the feelings that this horrid event arouses in me. Thank god it's over.

It sounds horrible but I am sooo unbelievably bored when around my friends. I would rather be on my computer reading what people have to say about Stephen Fry and Hugh Laurie, watching one of the many shows they were in, or reading. It's just dull, real life. I hate that I think that way but it's just a fact. All I want is one person I can talk about my interests with. At the camp I carried a little Dictionary of English Usage around with me in my pocket to read when I got bored and I copped so much flak. It's good natured teasing but I hate the attention being forced on me. I just want to shrivel up and die. Then my mother gets to lecture me about the importance of friendships and how to be nicer to people. It's just I only talk when I have something of note to say. I don't want to make an ass of myself. I fear failure and embarressment. At the formal everyone (and I mean everyone danced) and I didn't. I had five of my friends trying to pry me from my chair but failed miserable because of my stubborness. I just don't dance. I haven't since I was about 7 and that was Musical Statues at a birthday party. I just don't know what to do and how to move. It feels so awkward and unnatural to me. I need instructions or something. They say 'oh just feel the music and move to it'. Sorry, folks, it's impossible.I just stand there or sit there looking lost. One of my mates told me I'd ruined the formal for her by being such a stick in the mud. I nearly swore.

I hate it that not one of my friends reads. It is one of the only things I'm passionate about and am able to talk about somewhat intelligently. At school it was one of the banes of my existence. From year 7 onwards, we would receive a book to read and I would read it that night. The we'd spend the next two weeks reading it out loud in class. It took so long and I got bored by the whole thing. I've always been a fairly fast reader and have always loved the feeling of elation I got when I finished a book. No one knew what the hell I was going on about. Starting with Enid Blyton in my first few years of school (Famous Five, Secret Seven, The Faraway Tree, The Wishing Chair and so many others besides), CS Lewis was my world when I was 8, Nancy Drew, Hardy Boys, Heidi, anything by LM Montgomery, Trixie Belden in my primary years. High school was a revelation - I discovered Agatha Christie in Year 7 and read as many of her books as I could, meanwhile rereading all my Anne of Green Gables, Pollyanna etc books. For some reason I didn't read much in the next few years. However, in Year 10 we read Animal Farm by George Orwell and I immediately went to see if he'd written anything else at my library. I discovered the Classics section. It was heaven. Love at first sight. The limit at the time was 16 books at a time for 4 weeks but I discovered by using the self-checking out system I could borrow 32. I came back every couple of weeks and absolutely devoured everything there. Austen, Brontes, Wilde, Hardy, Orwell, Woolf, Fitzgerald, Elizabeth Gaskell, Evelyn Waugh, Milton, Trollope, Dostoyevsky, Eliot, Carroll, Thomas Mann, EM Forster. AND Douglas Adams.

To stop whining for a while, here's a short history of my sick addiction to the world of Fry/Laurie. I can't remember exactly when it first came on but it was mid way through the first season when I first saw House. I was amazed and somewhat entranced. The lead actor's eyes were sooooo incredibly blue. Note here that I barely watch any television (living in Australia, I don't have access to all the brilliant Britcoms I adore so much). I didn't really go on the internet at all partly because I didn't realise it had anything besides useful information for school assignments and e-mail. However, I soon realise that we were a few episodes behind the USA and looked the show up. I then became addicted to TV.com which managed to have a little discussion on each episode before it got shown in Australia. I have never really been attracted to any TV guys before but House had something about him and I looked him up as well. Eventually, I found Television Without Pity which, at the time, was fantastic, having discussion about Hugh as well as the show. I was buried in an enslaught of names and information. A jumble of data was thrown into my brain. A few things stood out. My muddled thoughts of the time went thus:

He's in Sense & Sensibility with Emma Thompson. Hang on, apparently they used to go out. Weird. How cool. Cambridge - wow, how smart! Rowing! Good body! So, he started in comedy with this Stephen bloke who gets mentioned every second sentence. Who's he, then? Research, research, research. I soon managed to get BlackAdder on DVD and was in love. I tried to get every pic of the two I could and every DVD. However, living where I do this proved to be difficult. Slowly, the DVDs came out and only last week I finally managed to get J&W 4, meaning I own all BlackAdder, ABoF&L and J&W, FINALLY!!! Eventually, the conversation was trickling on TWoP and I found my way to another site. This was much better and soon I was fully obsessed. I found Stephen's web page, watched everything I could on YouTube of the pair and discovered LJ. I've spent the better part of the year reading the backlog of nearly every good Stephen and/or Hugh related LJ on the net. Uni gets in the way a bit. Found Stephen's blog, discovered torrents and now have decided I'm going to get a multi-region DVD player. I just heard Alfresco is coming out so I'm majorly stoked about that seeing as it's regionless. I have so many things I want and NO money. I am thankful, however, for House because it led to Hugh which led to Stephen which led to everything I love about Britcoms and all the other marvellous things in Britian. My pet love at the moment is the episodes I managed to find of Stephen on Just A Minute and I'm Sorry, I Haven't A Clue which I listen to as I go to sleep each night (except I actually can't get to sleep while it's on so I listen to an episode then turn it off). This in particular draws the laughs of my family and friends. Listening to BBC radio all the time - pfffftttt! *sneer* Oh well. And QI. God, I love that show. I need to buy it but am so incredibly broke. One day I would love to go - I am insanely jealous of people living over in England. More than anything I want to go there for a few months and go to a QI recording. Stephen is so so fantastically cute and intelligent. The things that make me melt: Stephen being clever, Hugh playing music and both of them in interviews where they say how much they love each other, are proud of each other and basically fawn all over them. It's gorgeously cute.

I'm so angry at my mother at the moment. The money comes in at the beginning of the week and she spends it. I don't know how. She buys stupid whatnots and ornaments - useless cows and chickens - and junky celebrity magazines. She buys clothes that no one in their right mind would buy and then we have no money for the rest of the fortnight. She then gets cross because we're not happy with her. Her moods are ridiculous and I am frankly sick of her selfish, attention-seeking behaviour. I realise her past wasn't ideal but she won't listen to good and reasonable advice and refuses to apologise forher behaviour. I've been getting a lot more headaches recently and directly attribute this to the horrific yelling Mum now insists upon. She was going really well when our boarder, Ben, first came to stay but she's relapsed and it's driving me nuts. One thing I really want but can't afford is an internet connection for my laptop. I got the laptop a couple of months ago thankfully because there's 5 people who need to use a computer and we only have one. I also happens to be in the middle of the living room which means you have people watching exactly what you do all the time. Unfortunately, because I don't have my own internet connection, I still have to set my laptop up on the table in the centre of everything to use the net. Very annoying. Everyone else wants it as well so I can't really use it that often. Our connection isn't the greatest anyway. It was great for awhile and I managed to download videos fine but now it conks out after every half an hour or so. That's why I turned to torrents but I still don't get how they work so...

Rant over. I need lunch and should probably do some cleaning in my room. More later? *crickets groan* Yeah, maybe. If I can be bothered.